Angus Nelson

I saw this on my brother’s FB feed this morning and thought it was brilliant…  Failure is just another step on the way to success.

How have you allowed failures to kept you meager, docile or inferior?

What failures will you rise above?

A few weeks ago, I visited the campus of Belmont University in Nashville.  Anne Jackson and Mike Foster were participating in a series called “Sex & the Soul” and since I see these two as sort of kindred spirits of the same efforts, I wanted to see them in action.  It was briskly cold out and I had brought my ten month old daughter, Scarlett, along for the ride.

Let me give you the nutshell of what was to follow…Nashville- 2hrs drive from my home. Belmont University- never been there.  Weather- freezing cold.  Baby- bundled in layers making her look 3 sizes bigger than she actually was.  Me- frantically looking for a parking space on a bustling, full campus.  Oh yeah, and I was already 20 minutes late for the gig.

Parking space found!!  Baby finally unloaded, bags slung over my shoulder Rambo-style, like an array of ammunition.  I jumped into the cold, walking briskly towards the school.  From behind me, some professor looking individual yelled, “you can’t park there!! That’s a reserved spot!”

Me-pissed.  Baby and bags back in van.  Me-now 40 minutes late.

Mumbling “not so sweet nothings” under my breath, it dawned on me: the professor was right, I was wrong. And I’m angry about it?  Suddenly,  I stepped out of myself and saw things as an observer.  I realized that I had made some critical rationalizations that day: I was late; I had a baby; I’m new to this campus.  These are the reasons why I can park here… none of which are valid.

At some level, I felt entitled to do what I did.  I had to laugh.

I finally found and parked in a stall that said “compact”… good thing I drove a “mini”-van.

Adventure-not over yet!

Now over 45 minutes late, I hurried into the building, sat down for 3 minutes and listened as the speaker dismissed the crowd.  The place cleared out.  Yes, we had missed everything!

Again, I laughed.

How would you have reacted to this scenario?

In what ways can being an observer of yourself assist you?

Could it be possible that this is the same line of continuum that shipwrecks celebrities, politicians and others?

If given enough status, would it be possible for me to make similar rationalizations and end up in moral failure?

My wife bought me a subscription to a magazine over a year ago, a deal where you subscribe for one year and they give you two. This was a great magazine called Best Life, one of the few men’s magazines that wasn’t filled with skin tone and articles about sex. Well, that’s not altogether true, the magazine did have some articles about sex, but it was with your wife. Other articles included tips on being a better man, a better father, and a better husband. I really liked this magazine.

However, last year, the economy put another publisher in crisis and the magazine got cancelled. A card arrived in the mail to announce that I’d be receiving Conde Nast Portfolio instead, still classy, though not as relevant to my life. That lasted all of a few months until that magazine got axed too.

Now, I’ve been getting Details magazine. Everything I loved about my old Best Life has been hijacked for the “sex sells” motif. Every month, this magazine hits the garbage can. I don’t care for shallow, love-less relationships or near porn or androgynous photo layouts. I’m not particularly interested in reading about other people’s emotional drama or sexual exploits.

This weekend, my 14 year old daughter looked through the magazine and asked, “daddy, do you read this stuff?” I had to assure my daughter that daddy didn’t approve of this either. The only reason it was on the counter was so that daddy would remember to write down the publisher’s contact info to cancel the subscription which I did at that very moment.

I started thinking about the UPS store where I get my mail and all the efforts I’ve made to share my values with those people. They get to see what goes in my mailbox… I was embarrassed. I was angry. I was sad.

My life has already been ravaged by my own chaos. I don’t want to spend my limited spare time reading about someone else’s. And yet, millions of people around the world flood there minds with toxic messages and imagery every day supporting, engaging, endorsing and validating all of the crummy, gossipy, catty, shallow, consumeristic, self-centered, narcissistic, slimy magazine companies around the world.

And we wonder why our lives are confused.

My heart completely identifies with Tiger.  I’ve been in that place of shame, brokenness and guilt.  I know what it’s like to feel embarrassed and ridiculed.  Worst of all, I know what it’s like to have it all self-inflicted.

Shame is one of the most debilitating emotions on the the human psyche.  Instantly, we are removed from credibility, stability and confidence.  This is why God told us to “come boldly before the throne of grace, that we might obtain mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need”.

Where we get in trouble is when we dwell on our mistakes, rehearsing them time and time again in our minds.  Somehow, we think there is some way to get, as Tiger stated it, “atonement” for our crap.  We think there’s something we might do, credibility we might attain, or level we can strive for…  never going to happen.

The only thing we can do is to forgive ourselves and wait.  Time becomes the greatest asset during a period of moral failure.  Time to heal, time to build, and time to regroup.  But none of that is possible until we first forgive ourselves.

Tiger was honest at his press conference.  I believe his words were sincere even if scripted.  He admitted he needs to reconnect to his Buddhist faith, but I hope he gets to a place where he recognizes that his own efforts are fruitless and instead, finds God’s throne of grace.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

My nearly one year old daughter’s room is right next to ours.  At some point throughout the night, I’ll awake to the THWACK of a randomly thrown pacifier projectile nailing the wall between us.  It’s effortless, emotionless and consistent… this is the foreshadow of what’s to come.

Within the next hour, I will hear through the baby monitor next to our bed, my daughter beginning to stir with discomfort and uncertainty.  Her points of contact for security, the pacifier and her little bear blanket, have mysteriously disappeared from her presence.  She is in a fog, dazed and confused even though she’s not quite conscious as to why.

As her daddy, I will enter the nursery, get down on my belly and blindly scour under the crib, methodically raking my hand along the back wall from one side to the other.  As my fingers passes underneath the decorative bed skirting, I will somehow come in contact with a small piece of plastic, the token of peace.  The pacifier is returned to my daughter’s mouth, her blankey gently laid along the drape of her neck, and I press the play button on the CD player for the soothing sounds of crashing waves and new-agey keyboards to fill the room.

The brief discomfort, the subtle fear and unknown anxiety my daughter just experienced was completely self inflicted.  She’s not mature enough to recognized it, understand it, or even take responsibility for it.  But that’s ok.  She trusts that daddy’s love will make the world alright.

In what ways do you struggle to trust Daddy’s love to make your world alright?