Follow Pete’s blog – Without Wax
One of the areas that I’ve been trying to grow both personally and as leader has to do with how I handle criticism.
Recently I was the recipient of what I felt like was some “unfair” criticism (then again we usually think most criticism is unfair when it’s directed at us). Criticism is nothing new in my life. I’ve been in ministry since I was 18 years old and it’s kind of always been around. As a pastor or leader you already know there is no shortage of people who want to line up to take their shot at you. Over the years people have publicly applauded how I’ve handled it, but to be honest it’s all been a fraud. While externally I learned to finesse my way around it, internally I would obsess about my critics.
Why? Because I’m narcissistic. I’m obsessed with myself.
Why do I focus on the one negative comment?
Why do I work so hard to formulate a response proving I’m right?
Why do I go to great lengths to gain the critics approval?
I used to try to spiritualize this. Maybe it’s because I’m soft-hearted? Maybe it’s because I care about others so much?
Nope. It’s because I’m narcissistic.
As a leader in the church you will always be tempted to think the problem lies with the critics. They’re just negative. They’re just bitter. They’re just trying to find something wrong.
All these things may be true but the critic is not the real problem. Critics do what critics do. They’ll come and go in the context of your ministry. The problem is we’re absorbed with ourselves, wanting others to applaud and approve us. The problem is we can become obsessed with impression management by trying to control other’s opinions of us. That’s the ugly truth. And to make matters worse, this narcissism, which so many of us possess, keeps me from experiencing all God has planned for me.
I’ve been reading an incredible book entitled “The Shattered Lantern” by Ronald Rolheiser and he gave this great example of how this happens in our life. “Imagine taking a walk in a beautiful forest on a splendid summer’s day. The earth is ablaze with the fire of God and the sights, sounds and smells are enough to make you want to take your shoes off before the burning bush. But if your mind and heart are hopelessly torn, and if, for example, you are painfully infatuated with someone who has just rejected you, you will see virtually nothing on this walk-not just of beauty and creation, but nothing at all. You are inside yourself, torn by your pain, endlessly reviewing past and future conversations, possibilities, and fantasies. For all you are actually seeing, hearing, or smelling of beauty and nature, you could just as profitably be walking in a parking lot or a rubbish dump. You are locked in an inner world whose obsessive reality absorbs all your awareness.”
I’m tired of walking in the parking lot. I want to experience the fullness of God, and I bet you do as well. So don’t allow the critics to steal your joy. Don’t allow the critics to railroad your vision. Put yourself in environments where you can constantly remind yourself that your true identity lies in Christ and not the applause, opinions, or criticisms of others.
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Pete Wilson is the founding pastor of Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tennessee. Cross Point is a 6 year-old church which reaches over 2,500 people each weekend through its 3 campuses located around the metro Nashville area. He resides in Nashville with his wife, Brandi, and their 3 boys, Jett, Gage, and Brewer. His highly-anticipated first book, entitled Plan B will be released in 2010 through Thomas Nelson Publishing.
The other night, we were flipping through the channels, which is rare for us in this DVR world, and we came across the movie Sleepless in Seattle. Besides a fantastic soundtrack, this film has all of the makings of a great chick flick: story, drama, and a romantically sweet ending. My family LOVES this movie.
