Angus Nelson

Thursday night the conversation was unreal…everything from Miss Right being a C-cup (some of the guys got a little carried away in describing their Miss Right) to how in the effort of impressing the opposite sex we lose ourselves in some warped fake persona of who we are. The audience interaction was so intense I’m only led to believe it’s a huge struggle we all go through…so why hasn’t anyone been talking about it, posing solutions, or questioning the normal behavior of the dating scene?

Well Thursday night at Renown…it happened, we broke the cycle of insanity, laid out solutions, posed thought provoking questions, dug deep in the heart, and forced each other to take a long hard look in the mirror.

When trying to find Misses or Mr. Right, We go on this hunt preying on those around us, analyzing and dissecting the opposite sex. Yet do we want that done to us? What signals are we putting out to attract that special someone? Normally signs of DESPERATION!

Let’s take a second to put this all into perspective…if we want Misses or Mr. Right…when we find them…doesn’t that make us their Misses or Mr. Right? So then, do we have all our junk together, do we love our self, are we bettering yourself everyday because of goals we have set for yourself? No? Hmmm…How then do we expect to keep Misses or Mr. Right in our life if we aren’t capable of being a Misses or Mr. Right for them.

We can be such selfish creatures. Gimme Gimme Gimme perfection. Yet we are so far from it ourselves. Which don’t get me wrong…no one is perfect, but don’t expect perfection and then put that person down when they don’t live up to your outrageous standard. Let’s work on ourselves and become a Misses or Mr. Right and then we will attract the right person.

And I have still not even scratched the surface of the teaching and dialog that went down Thursday night at renown. Check the podcast for the full story at renownhuntsville.com.

I’m pretty sure no one was expecting the perspective taken last night in the discussion. Uncovering the issues of the heart tend to get pretty revealing so people often get uncomfortable. Not because of the topic as much as the permission given by the topic to actually speak what they’re thinking… Our culture doesn’t lend itself to allowing people opportunity for transparency and vulnerability. Yet, that’s the place everyone wants to be – safe.

Relationships are the same way. We want to be able to be ourselves, to be totally exposed and still surrounded in a safe atmosphere… no fears of rejection, abuse or mockery; loved just as I am.

Still, so many of us settle for relationships that are shallow, co-dependent and most commonly, short lived.

As a result, our perceptions of being single are complicated even more so… how dare you not have “your someone”. Our culture is obsessed with pairing people off with one another. Even in family.

Heck, I sat at the “children’s” table during holidays because there weren’t enough chairs at the “couples” table… at the age of 29 – sucked!

But, should societal pressures drive me into the arms of yet another misfortune mishap? In my mind, I know that’s ridiculous. Somehow, what I know to be true is ignored the moment I see another pretty smile and some batting eyes.

No one wants to be alone.

The truth is, we must take responsibility for our decisions and not let the pressures around us dictate our relational cues. This is, of course, my life to hold precious, important and valued.

Perhaps taking the time to develop “me” and my heart is more of a necessity during my “single years”. After all, it’s not like I can stay up as late as I want or get up as early as I want in order to read, pray or learn once I’m married. Life starts to require more responsibilities as soon as the two become one.

Finding books or DVD’s that help me construct with my internal development will transform me into the person God made me to be. The beauty of that is that I begin to attract the kind of person that I already am… like attracting like.

Instead of growing bitter, jaded and desperate in multiple crummy relationships, I become be settled, confident and peaceful while being single.

Two people, coming together, in that state stand a far better chance at staying together and offering their strengths instead of being needy and sucking the life from one another..

I need to tweak my brain to see what’s really going on in my heart.

Isn’t it amazing how much our flirtations are driven by self interests?

We, often times, are more interested in our wants and desires being fulfilled than offering anything to the other person. Maybe we want attention, to know we’re desirable, feel as if we’re loved or that we still “have the stuff”. In any case, seduction is about taking from someone what you want.

The conversation uncovered the hidden motives we all have, but don’t necessarily connect to.

Is seduction all bad? Is flirting all healthy?

This past week, was a deluge of conversation emanating from an overly flaunted topic. The point was not to argue the moral dilema of sexual activity as much as the emotional devastation resulting from it.

It was purposed that even the very barrage of media’s attention to the issue of sex seems to create complexities in our own thought processes, self-perceptions and life view. Yet, though these public displays are overt in in nature, they are not as damaging to one’s psyche as the sexual secrets people maintain.

Whether pornography, fantasy or sexual interaction, it is the guilt and shame of that which is held in the shadows that chip away at our self-worth, confidence and security.

The complexities come when we attempt to compensate for those sexual failures only to find ones’ self repeating these behaviors over and over again.

What can a person do to combat their own personal demons?

Do you experience more pain: the day after? or years after?

Scientifically, sex is directly linked to depression. Why?